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Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Fall...A Time for Falling


Falling Leaves,
Falling out of love.
My daughter and her newlywed husband have called it quits. We spent the last few days moving her home. It has been time filled with many tears and many unpleasant feelings. Bottom line is her husband of 11 months decided he didn't want to be married. He wants to be free as a bird to do whatever his heart desires. I am glad. I never wanted my daughter to marry him in the first place. She told us on Christmas Day last year that they were getting married on New Years Day. It was a shock to say the least and the way it was handled totally devastated me. Instead of a happy day I was completely depressed, although I did try. No one in the family approved of her husband or thought they should marry in the first place, so its not a surprise to us that its over. It is just hard to deal with and we are all very sad for her.
I spent the months that followed her marriage re doing her bedroom into a guest room. I did enjoy that and it kept me busy and thinking positive. But all that stuff was moved out so we could move her back in!
Of course now I have a whole new load of emotions. One thing for sure is I am thrilled that she is back. But on the other hand I am stressed with having her back. Does anyone understand that one? Of course her coming home means my granddog is also moving back home. So that is fun too.
She has finals coming up for college so is waiting until after that to file for a dissolution of marriage. I hope it all goes smoothly.

17 comments:

Kudzu said...

I'm so sorry to hear. Your daughter must be so upset with so many things going on at once. And I know you have to be almost as upset as she is. (((Hugs For Your Family)))
Kudzu
(Cherry)

Brenda@View From The Pines said...

I do understand. You get use to them being gone, and then you have to change your mindset again! I felt like that years ago when my stepdaughter of college age moved in. It's so difficult to watch our children do things we know in our hearts probably won't work out. The REALLY difficult thing is knowing you have to let them do it anyway. It's part of the learning curve.
Hugs, Brenda

Aunt Debbi/kurts mom said...

It is a good thing for her that you are there to offer support. My thoughts are with you both.

Deb

Anna said...

I'm so sorry Cindee. You will help her heal her heart and there will be lots better things in store for her soon.

Yes, those of us who have older children out of the house--understand the emotional joy and confusion with the return. You all will get your grove back--and then be sad when she moves out again. She has tasted independence and they usually want to go back out on their own.

She has you as an example Cindee and that's all she needs right now. She just needs to see you and your husband love each other so she can hope again.

Hugs to you all.

pammiejo said...

Been there - you're certainly not alone. My son had the same experience - of the short-lived marriage with a person who was so self-centered, immature, and not the one I would have chosen. Sure enough, after 2 years, she wanted out to be a "free bird". My son was devastated and his recovery from that has been hard BUT, if anyone has a 30ish daughter that is looking for a solid, good-looking young man - I know one!! All you can be is a support for her and you will be. She's lucky she has a family there for her!! PAM

cindee said...

Hi Cherry,
Thanks for your comment. I can't even believe how hard this is for us all. This kid is someone who was disrespectful from day one to our whole family.

Hi Brenda,
I know we had to let her go do her thing but it was almost to much for me. Now I just hope she has learned a lesson and does not attempt to get back together with that loser.

Hi Debbi,
I hope she realizes how lucky she is to have her family 100% behind her.

Hi Anna,
Its going to be hard to have to watch things happen all over again. Hopefully next time she makes a better choice for a husband.

Hi Pammie,
That sounds just like my daughters husband. A self centered Self absorbed jerk. I have never in my life known someone so rude and obnoxious as him. And the lies. OMG he has told her so many lies its a wonder he is not struck by lightening. And this kid comes from a very religious family. Ha! Give me a break! I am so sorry for your son and I can totally understand what you went through too. Its so hard to see your child have to hurt so bad and keep accepting it all.

Skeeter said...

I am not a parent to anything other then cats but I do know from watching others around me, that all one can do as a parent is, be there for them when they fall. We all make mistakes in our young lives and hopefully we can learn from them and grown stronger in the future and make better choices. Been there done that! Having our parents back us when we fall is such a comfort.

Sorry for your inner pains and hopefully your family will recover soon…

Meadowview Thymes said...

I am so sorry to hear this, but--in the long run sounds like you know this is the best thing for her. Your daughter is blessed to have such a supportive family!
Take care,
Linda

Alex said...

This is sad to hear, Cindee. Sending lotsa of good thoughts (and gold dust) to mend the broken heart.

Thank you for stopping by. I really appreciate it alot.

*hugs*

lola said...

So sorry Cindee for all the hurts that all of you are going through. It's nice to have family to support you when things fall apart. Sadly I didn't. I had to deal with it by myself.

This Eclectic Life said...

I understand the delight in having the kids around, AND the stress of it. I'm always sorry to see any marriage end, and it's a pity that it happened that way. Keep on thinking positively. As Jimmy Buffet said, "breathe in, breathe out, move on." Best wishes to you all!

Rick said...

Thinking of you and your family.

Renna said...

Oh, Cindee, I'm so sorry; not sorry that your dd is out of a bad relationship, but that it's all come about as it has. It's so very hard to stand back and let our children make their decisions, especially when wisdom of the years and maturity reveal to us when they are about to jump into a big mess.

I know that having her home will offer it's own set of challenges, as the dynamics of your relationship are different since she's been living out from under your roof for a year. I will pray for it to be a peaceful transition, that you can each establish new common ground on which your relationship can grow.

Cinj said...

Oh no Cindee. Give her a great big hug for us please. Yourself too!

My sister did that very same thing with her first husband. We were relieved when she got out of it, but it's very hard for everyone involved. At least there are no children involved.

Any change is hard really, isn't it? She is lucky to have you guys to rely on, she'll come around and end up better than ever. It's just too bad that people use others and throw them away like yesterday's garbage.

My BIL has had two diviroces, the women married him because they thought he had a lot of money. When they found out he didn't, they headed for the hills. The poor guy. He seems to think it is possible to buy love by showering people with gifts. A nice thought, but it just seems to attract gold diggers. He just proposed to the lady he was supposedly "dating". Turns out she had another boyfriend who threatened to kick his butt if he came near her again.

I guess we both have heart broken family members to comfort.

cindee said...

Hi Skeeter,
Thanks for writing(-; I hope she can make better choices in the future also(-:

Hi meadowview thymes,
Yes I truly believe this is the best thing that could have happened. I prayed everyday that she would figure it out and dump him but I guess he did that for her. It is sad but I think it will be ok.

Hi alex,
thanks for the gold dust mending material(-: I feel better already.(-: I am sure my daughter will too.

Hi lola,
I am sorry you had no family to support you. It does make a huge difference in life. Although I am not sure that my daughter will appreciate it until she is older and wiser(-:

Hi Shelly,
Thanks for the positive thinking. I am trying and I keep telling my daughter that each positive step she takes will make it that much easier for her to cope.

Hi Rick,
Thank You(-:

Hi Renna,
I know its good she is away from that relationship and I know we will work things out as we go. Thanks for the kind words(-:

Hi Cindy,
Any change is hard. I think that is what makes a break up so difficult. You are so use to the same old stuff and then its over. You learn to just put up with it all. We all knew she was not happy but we also knew she would have to figure that out herself.
I am sorry to hear about your brother in law too. I don't know why the nice people always get the short end of the stick. I hope your BIL can meet someone worthy of his affections too.
I know my daughter will be fine if she can stay away from him and get on with her life. She is only 21. She has many great years ahead!

Gail said...

So much pain for someone so young! It just hurts our mom hearts when our babies...no matter their age... are hurting! I totally understand your mixed feelings, you don't want her to be hurt but you are thrilled that once she heals she can find a man who will cherish her. Gail

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